Fear of Clowns


Coulrophobia. This word may sound strange; however, it has a straightforward meeting. It is an irrational fear of clowns.

Fear of clowns is a big issue in my world. As a professional clown, I come across this issue more often than I would like. What drives this fear is rational. More importantly, as a professional clown, I’ve learned that our reaction to this fear can be handled positively or it can quickly snowball into a lousy crescendo of clown issues.

First a little bit about the actual fear. There is a belief in our culture that clowns are scary. You can go to the Stephen King character Pennywise as an example. Someone who’s lurking in the dark eager to do something evil. Part of the power of this bad clown example is that it takes the idea of what should be happy, joyful delightful and it turns it into something evil and scary. It’s a natural dichotomy upon which one can play. What could be more frightening than something that should be happy but is really evil? In summer 2016, this clown fear got out of control. There were news stories of people who complain about clowns. It became a meme. The situation peaked as it usually does at Halloween. Eventually in late 2016 clown phobia subsided to its pre-existing constant level.

Most of my dealings with clowns phobias are in my work as a hospital clown. I’ve been working at the hospital clown since 2000. I began working with the Big Apple Circus in 2000 and have continued to do this work with an organization called Humorology Atlanta. During my time as a hospital clown, I have seen patients, family and staff members who have this fear. I’ve seen some excellent way to address this issue. I’ve also witnessed a few easy mistakes and pitfall in dealing with this. I will discuss some of these mistakes here in my blog. Then I will move on to what I believe are the best practices and approaches for dealing with coulrophobia.

What Next?

I'm sitting here at my keyboard wondering what I should say. Many different ideas, music clowning my faith pass through my mind.

It's difficult because an issue has been nagging at me over the past couple of years. I’ve been going through a difficult work transition. This transition is caused me to question the quality of my work. It's caused me to question the relationships I've had in my work to 18 years. I’ve struggled to turn “the page,” to find a focus to get over not being in charge. It’s been hard, harder than I thought it would be. It’s like I got a divorce, but I’m still working with the person I divorced. 

I also feel overlooked and underappreciated. Most everyone seems to be happy at work. Meanwhile, I’m left feeling bitter. Bitter because I left one organization for a new start. Ironically the organization I left is the one that valued my opinion. The one that I helped to create doesn't respect my point of view.

Diversity call for clowns


Today I had a conference call with several other clowns from around the country. We were talking about our ideas to make our teams and our team leadership more aware of racial and LGBTQ diversity.

This is a difficult subject for me to discuss. I did find some comfort in a few people at the American Circus Educators conference here in Decatur this past October. It was refreshing to hear the issue of diversity brought up by so many white people. There was an effort to understand the issue in a way that I haven’t seen in other places. I hope that our conversation today will be the first step in bringing this up in a productive way.

Meredith's Blog

This is my first post on my blog. I’ve been wanting a place to put my thoughts and my ideas down. Well, here it is. I will see how this goes. I hope to write in it regularly. This may also be a good place to keep my thoughts about my professional work with music, performing, acting, medical clowning as well as some personal issues.